TIRED OF PLAYING THE FOOL!
Ok...so, remember when I posted the "I HATE MEN" blog? Well, I was trippin'....just a little angry, and I had to let it out. I got over it....forgave homedude for what he did. And we were back on good terms....for a minute. I told him how I felt about us; about the fact that I didn't like always being second to his boys, how I was sick of being the only one putting in effort, how I wasn't fully comfortable with the "physical" aspect of our relationship (something that was new for us) and how the reality was, that I was leaving...so we could end it, and not ever speak to one another again, or we could at least be on good terms, and deal with me leaving later. So, he started straightening up, acting right. Spendin' a little bit more time, showing me that he cared some more. But I should have known that wouldn't last long.
He 4got my birthday...and I forgave him. And today was supposed to be the make-up weekend. But of course...he stood me up.....FOR HIS BOYS! And the thing that makes me so madd is that.... 1). Its nothing new, and 2). he shows no sign of remorse, guilt, empathy...NOTHING! I told him I didn't wanna speak to him again.....hoping maybe that would wake him up, or scare him....anything. But he went on acting nonchalant about it. Am I the fool? I mean, I kinda know the answer to this question all ready. But its sooooo hard to let go (as bad as I want to). I know if I just forget about him, and move on, I would save myself the extra heartbreak. But its hard. And I don't know why! Its obvious that it isn't as deep for him as it is for me. He was my first (and only).....everything (use your imagination). What's even more messed up, is that I'm number one when he wants me to "come over"...hint, hint. But I have to fight for time, in every other aspect of our relationship. I just want to be done with all of this...you know, go to college and DO ME! Become all I can be and forget about him....but I don't know how. And its making me crazy! I have so many thoughts and emotions running through me....I don't know what to do.
Family, I need your help.
Your sistah in a crisis,
Janine
He 4got my birthday...and I forgave him. And today was supposed to be the make-up weekend. But of course...he stood me up.....FOR HIS BOYS! And the thing that makes me so madd is that.... 1). Its nothing new, and 2). he shows no sign of remorse, guilt, empathy...NOTHING! I told him I didn't wanna speak to him again.....hoping maybe that would wake him up, or scare him....anything. But he went on acting nonchalant about it. Am I the fool? I mean, I kinda know the answer to this question all ready. But its sooooo hard to let go (as bad as I want to). I know if I just forget about him, and move on, I would save myself the extra heartbreak. But its hard. And I don't know why! Its obvious that it isn't as deep for him as it is for me. He was my first (and only).....everything (use your imagination). What's even more messed up, is that I'm number one when he wants me to "come over"...hint, hint. But I have to fight for time, in every other aspect of our relationship. I just want to be done with all of this...you know, go to college and DO ME! Become all I can be and forget about him....but I don't know how. And its making me crazy! I have so many thoughts and emotions running through me....I don't know what to do.
Family, I need your help.
Your sistah in a crisis,
Janine
