SHHHHh keeps going wrong.. whats a girl to do

Ok this one of my weak moments and I can't even describe how I feel right now. First and most importantly, my baby sister.. (this makes me cry).. she called me last night around 12:30am I was on ym way home from work so I wasn't home. When I got to my house and checked the caller Id thats when I saw she called and I was thinking to myself why would she call me and she knew I was at work. I though abotu callin her but it was 1:30 and I was thinking she was sleep. Well she called me today and told me her husband aint allowed within 100ft of her and Im thinkin she joking around because she was talking about her stomach was hurtin and I was thinking that she was saying she's pregnant again. NO I WAS SO OFF... she told me she had just got out the ER. ANd Im like what the hell for. So she was like her husband was beating on her and she had a concussion. When I tell ya I flipped... ya girl went off I was ready to hop in the car drive 11 miles up the highway and go to her house with my .38. THing is when i get pissed like that I can't drive because my body starts shaking uncontrollably and of course I just can't focus on driving. So that was out. THen she tells me he through my youngest nephew (3months) on the couch facedown and when she went to get him off the couch, her husband punches her in the back of the head and she passed out. When she woke up her house keys were gone and her $600. WHICH IS RENT MONEY. Byt his time I'm like Imma kill this MF light skinned punk A.... so on and so forth. THen she started cryin which pissed me off even more because I couldn't get over there at that moment. So I'm still sittin here she's with her brother on her mommas side which is cool becuase at least she aint at the house by herself.
Thing 2- THE VIDEO SHOOT THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO TURNED OUT TO BE A HOAX. I don't even wanna get on that shhh right now.

THing3-I really want to talk to my best friend and I know he's not goin to answer the phone.. I think about him all the time... I was talkin to my first the other day and you know he's tryna get back with me. Well he asked me would I ever do something with anyone that I have been with? wel I gave him the answer but with some exceptions. ANd thats when the story came out about the relationship between my best friend and I. aND HE WAS LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT ALISE! I said what. He said " you and him are goin to end up together." I said no we aren't we done already discussed that . then he says" I can tell by the determination and the emotion in your voice." I was thinking to myself is it that obvious. But anyway I miss my best friend ( who I call my baby) a lot. I started crying the other day because I missed him so much and I just wanted to be in his compnay. So that's the side of me that leads to ...
THING 4- I am a strong woman but I'm not goin to sit here and act like I don't need that special person in my life. unlike most people my age.... I'm trying to seriously settle down. i'm not with the dating different people every other year. I'm ready for that something that is goin to last forever. That I'll never get tired off. My momma thinks I'm talking a bunch of hooplah when I say this too. But the long term commitment I'm ready for... It's sad being ny yourself sometimes. I'll be thining like " dang I want to be held right now or I wanna just chill with someone tonight. I don't want that someone to be Joe Random everytime I feel like that. I want that ONE person.

THING 5- MY apartment.. I was really depending ont he money for the video shoot to help me get into my apartment. But it seems like Imma have to put that on hold as well. VERY FRUstrATING...

I'm in this mode right now. Just thinking about a lot of stuff... while listening to Brandy's last CD, some Erykah Badu, COmmon, Cee-LO, India Arie, and Amel Lariuex. Yeh yall can tell Im on that deep THOUGHT mission.oh well we'll see if I can go out tonight and clear my head.