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Okay, I am sharing this because it is truly hard for me right now. I have decided to become celibant..............now before I go on, I know that fornication is a sin before God, but that was only one reason I made this decision. I began to examine my life goals and found that marriage was very high on the list. I am not saying that those who have s*x before marriage will not get married, but for me I think that it is key that I examine my priorities and stop giving my milk away for free(if you know what I mean). To many times we as single people believe that a relationship has to go "to the next level" and usually that level involves s*x. I have found that in the past, my relationships which did not start as 'being about s*x' began to either go in that direction or was there and I did not like it. Usually if a person has gotten all that they 'want' out of the relationship then they are finished and either that person was me or my male counterpart. Boy it is nothing like growing pains to show you where you messed up and how to prevent those same mistakes from happening again. However, now that I have taken a stand and said No, I think I will keep my pants up and my skirt down...it seems a lot harder than it appears to be. Now don't get me wrong....I have gone without before, especially when I was not exclusively dating one person(you never know who has a STD).....but for some reason this has to be the hardest time I have ever had with this issue. When I have a dream...that has s*x included in it...I wake up praying the next morning, I know that God can and will keep me...it is just not easy. I have been out on dates and usually the evening ends up ending with me running home because 'it is too HOT in the kitchen'. I really want to get to the point where I can just enjoy myself without the s*x. So far there has been no pressure from the person I have gone out with, but we have gotten in some rather 'close to THAT point' situations. What should I do???
Posted By: VICSKEYAS MOORE
Tuesday, March 28th 2006 at 1:45PM
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Peter had a thorn, I believe it was not an eye problem. Specualtion though.
I have talked about this in Bible class, God gave estrogen, God gave Testosterone. Nothing shame of that.
But choice how to use and deal with it.
Bible states lust comes from the heart I believe thus within(Deep huh?), so the mind has to focus upward and even then we are still human.
2 of the best sermons I heard was a Pastor Woman stating she likes a good shot of leg also, but God... and a Man Minister asked the congregation, "have you ever been praying and wonder where that thought comes from?".
Fiery darts come.
If more people were real and Churches did not make taboo while some ministers are way out there(long story on that one), the pressures would not be soo intense. What the Church in general won't teach the world does and hey Broke Back Mountain(the movie) sure was seen and liked by a lot of people....
Anyway.
Trust me I know about "Milk" sis, drank it with ice as i got older, Lol!
Continue to be real. Songs of Solomon is real and God runs from no issues as long as positivity, realness and not the opposite is meant by it.
Writing uses energy also.
Peace.
I'm flustered all of a sudden with pants and skirts and milk etc. metioned Lol!
Now seriously know that what God sends for You will accentuate and want the best "Gift" to give to self, the others will want to unwrap the package and be bored because it was before CHRIST Mas (^;^)
By the way Sis, unless a Eunich, who is this easy for. Even senior citizens wish back and now they have viagra. Ever heard old men talk about what they used to do? I have heard elderly sistahs 1 or 2 get into zones, like the Mother at this church I was doing Bible class, over 80 looks real good and the sistahs tripped out with wide eyes as she talked of how that big ole man used to wrap those huge arms around her waste, chile, please...
That Bibleclass was me and maybe 12-15 ladies, 1 was 15 and the other was 21.
The older woman taught the younger. The 21 still got pregnant and the 15 year old was molested by her stepfather and the mother took him back after much talk against him...
Just adding in more 2cents.
William
Tuesday, March 28th 2006 at 2:15PM
WILLIAM W. HEMMANS III
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That's what's up . Be strong for all us in or about to join the struggle.lol
Tuesday, March 28th 2006 at 2:54PM
Jasmine Benns
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I don't believe that s*x before a Westernized marriage is fornication! I am a free thinker. I am Spiritual, not religious, and I believe in God unequivocally. Western Philosophy has corrupted our since of purpose of who we are as homo-sapien sapiens and our ability to make wise and informed decisions based on ethics and morality-combined.
Look, s*x is not evil. Promiscuity is errant. Monogamy is honorable. Concuspicence is dishonorable. What constitutes a marriage: can any woman in here give me a cogent definition without invoking westernize religion. How about this as a working definition: Marriage is the undefilable commitment of a heteros*xual relationship whose purpose is to share life together and never seperate or abandon one-another.
I did not mention one thing about a bible, a scripture or religion. I spoke of commitment and monogamy and sincerity at the core. I did not mention the word 'sincerity', but it is insinuated in my working definition.
Celibacy-is honorable. It is keeping ones self. You know on this same topic Jocely Elder who was the Surgeon General was fired for advocating Masterbation and using condems. Now, some of you will think that masterbation is not being able to keep your self. On the contrary-masterbation overcomes unwarranted pregnancies. Scientists even say that one can keep their virginity and are able to masterbate-because a woman's hyman is not broken. This would be a strick definition.
For if one of the purposes of s*x is to have an orgasim then if one masterbates they are not virgins.
I am merely trying to demonstrate the arguments on both sides of the issue of celibacy-because it is more complex than just saying no as we see. What if you are not a virgin-and you practice abstinece is that celibacy?
We have to be objective about our postions.
As the Surgeon General your concern is with the public safety. Infant Mortality and the transmission of s*xually transmitted diseases. Folk decried her realistic grappling with a complex social issue. Abstinenceisf fine if you keep to yourself. In reality only 5% of Americans who are s*xually active are abstaining. So, is it true to ask people to abstain. Is it more realistic to say: if you have s*x-use a c*ndom. If you are worried about pregnancy masterbate?
Celibacy is admirable. Even abstaining after one is active is admirable. Celibacy does not and should not entail or encompass never having s*x. It is a commitment to forego it. It is a demonstration of temperance and self-control. Marriage is a good thing. Monogamy is even better. Commitment to one person is beautiful. Sincerity should be prized.
Marriage that is uncommited is terrible. To make a man a cuckold is distasteful and classless. To cheat on your wife a shameless cad.
Most men cannot please one woman s*xually so why they even front and try and get all the panties in the world is a classic case of one's eyes being bigger than their plates and vice versa for the women. They yowl about being objectfied-according to feminism--being desired as objects and not as sentient beings...but then a lot of women uses their svelt bodies to induce men to fawn after their every whim.
Men be men. If you get a woman pregnant volunteer to be a good dad and soul mate and by her side at the live birth-cut that umbelical cord. Women don't seperate men from their children warrantless (without cause) especially for some new man in your life who does not want the complexity of three sets of grandparents and spending money on someone elses kids!
If you have s*x, please let it be monogamous and safe.
Dwight
Tuesday, March 28th 2006 at 4:58PM
B. Dwight Foster, B.A., MS-MANAGEMENT
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Gurl you can do it. your not the nly one and stay strong. Its good to know that your special someone supports you as well.
Tuesday, March 28th 2006 at 10:58PM
Tiara J
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I do respect your decision and wish you the best on your quest. I just wanted to share that I don't feel premarital s*x is wrong. AS long as you are both consenting adults and that it does not form the basis of your relationship. s*x should not be the foundation of your relationship but the icing on your cake. When you're with the right person you shouldn't feel pressure or stress about s*x. A good relationship (In my opinion) is one that can still be ok when you're not having s*x and just enjoying your time with that other person. In a marriage the s*x will decline over time. If you have a strong connection to that person it won't matter. My wife and I had s*x before marriage but she is also my best friend and in the end I feel that is what makes our union strong. Again I do respect your view and hope you find inner peace and true happiness. You are definitely stronger than I could EVER be!
Wednesday, March 29th 2006 at 1:22AM
Brian Stafford
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well your not calling it a struggle just to title your blog right? it's going to be something that's complex. i know this because im taking on the same task. i just feel more comfortable not being s*xually engaged right now and a lot of females are dealing with this same situation. it's just not you. if this is something that YOU really want to do, you will succeed!
"NO WED, NO BED, NO RING, YOU GET NOTH-ING"
...not rushing marriage in a relationship. remember seeing it once and i thought it was cute
Wednesday, March 29th 2006 at 9:07AM
Tiffany Marshall
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I don't really know what to tell you because I have never been in that situation before. But I do want to say thank you for posting this because it is hard now days to keep relationships from being all about s*x or whatever unless you find someone on that same page.even as a teen its hard...there's a lot of pressure out there to have s*x from a lot of people, not just the guys or your boyfriend, it comes form your friends and other people, too.
Wednesday, March 29th 2006 at 9:58AM
Kalynne Etheridge
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