There are times when no matter how hard I try, I will have trouble with one of the symptoms of Bipolar. Well, when my eldest son joined the ROTC Army and ended up in Iraq six months later, I could barely stay sane and hold on.
Every mother knows the high level of fear and anxiety we feel when our children are in the military and across seas during these war-ridden times. I don't know why, but my mind has been on these mothers especially this week. Maybe because for some reason I have been listening to Freda Payne's old hit, "Bring The Boys Home." Does anyone 40+ remember that?
Well, she starts out with the lyrics..."Fathers are grieving, lovers are all alone, MOTHERS are praying..." Why is it mothers know just what to do?
Alright, what I wanted to share is my mental instability when my son left for the military. I had begged him not to join. When I went to a family meeting for military families before my son left and received packages of information, I discovered that it was possible for my son to be immune to combat due to my illness. He is my "only" son in the sense that his younger brother is severely mentally and physically disabled.
Well, my son begged me to not pressure him that way because he believed it was something he needed to do. He said, "Please don't tell them you're crazy!"
Although it was pretty-much promised that my son's unit would not get in any war, etc. (this was early Iraq days), I did not trust them and from the moment my son left for basic training, I was beyond being a normally worried mother. I prayed and fasted for his safety and return and when training was over and he was sent upstate, I was obviously relieved.
One week after he arrived upstate, he was put on alert that his unit was going to Iraq. He did not tell me until December (he learned in October). The panic switch went on and the anxiety level shot me off into manic depression.
In that state of manic depression when an individual believes they may be a celebrity or a very wealthy person (grandiosity), I believed I was I guess equivalent to Colin Powell or some high-up military person. I got on the phone and began calling everybody and demanding that my son be taken off the list to be sent to Iraq. I talked to military people for days on end ordering my son sent back to his home state and "excused/pardoned" from the military.
Of course, people took my name and phone number and politely ushered me off the phone. However, I told everybody I knew with assuredness that I had ordered my son home. By the end of the week, I had my medications adjusted and the hypomania decreased, but then the depression increased. I was simply off balanced (severe mood swing). I sunk into such a deep, deep depression that I believed my son was killed in Iraq and nobody would confirm it. I did not answer my door. I would not open any of my son's mail for fear it was "notification." I called people all day and everyday because I needed to get his body home. It was some time before the medications were "balanced."
By the time my meds were balanced and effective, I was ready to be the normal worried sick military mom. Let us remember to keep military moms/families in our thoughts and prayers. My son went over-board when he could to let me know he was alive and his General began making a call every now and then to assure me my son was doing a good job and well. Now, I know this is not typical, but I guess my son's unit was tired of me calling Congress (dare I say, smile).
So, here I am five years later listening to Freda Payne. ..."You see them marching 'cross the sky, all the soldiers that are dying, trying to get home...from a senseless war....Bring the Boys Home, Bring Them Back Alive..." (NOTE: My son is no longer in the military as of 2006. He could not believe how much stronger I was when he returned. However, that will lead me to write about the mentally ill veterans in the near future as well. God willing, my son will not become mentally ill after that life-altering experience in a war at such a young age....).
Today, I wish we would all join hands and pray for this war to end once and for all and bring all our boys back home...."Can't you see them, trying to get home...trying to get home...."
Visit the National Association of Mental Illness at
www.nami.org or Depression & Bipolar Support Alliance at
www.dbsalliance.org for help with dealing with difficult circumstances causing you to be clinically depressed. Ms. Chantal Laurent also dropped me a note stating that the Armed Services Committe should also be contacted respectively. Thank you, Chantal!
Agnes ~ Too Wise Not To Praise Him!
Author of "Cooling Well Water: A Collection of Work By An African-American Bipolar Woman" ISBN 0975461206 Winter Release Pending -
www.myspace.com/coolingwellwater
Posted By: agnes levine
Saturday, September 13th 2008 at 3:30PM
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