*Passing on another intriguing email I received today, please feel free to let me know what You think*
  I get a lot of questions from women asking
about how to respond to men when things become
confusing or uncertain as a relationship is
growing closer.
  Questions such as...
  "What do I do when a guy isn't calling or
initiating things the way he used to?"
  Or...
  "We've been dating for a little while and I
know we have a special connection. But when I
talked to him about us being something more
'serious' he freaked out. What should I do now?"
  Or...
  "How can I talk to a man and have him open up
and share what's going on inside, when he is being
more and more distant?"
  In fact, these questions might be some of the
areas that women want to know about most.
  I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past
year or so about what allows some particular women
to create a deep level of CONNECTION and ATTRACTION
with the men in their lives.
  I'm talking about the kind of connection that
will make the typical challenges other women face
with men in relationships feel effortless.
  The kind of connection that goes BEYOND
PHYSICAL ATTRACTION.
  The kind of connection that creates a lasting
"emotional bond" that's deeper than something just
s*xual.
  The kind of connection that tells a man that
the woman he's with is the one and only woman for
him... without the woman having to ever say a
word to convince him of it to get him to commit.
  In other words, I've been watching women (and
the men they're with) to see if I could figure out
why some women are able to create intense physical
AND emotional attachments inside of men...
  While other women seem to have little or no
luck at this, no matter how hard they want it or
try.
  I've figured out a lot since I started looking
at all this. And if you've read my eBook, then
you're already familiar with the concept of the
"cool girl" that I talk about.
  A "cool girl" is a phrase men use with each
other when they're talking about a woman who
"naturally" knows how to relate to, respond to
and interact with men in a fun and interesting
way.
  And among men, this carries a lot of power.
  You might have noticed that guys will praise
their friend if they see that the girl he's with
is a "cool girl". They'll encourage him to spend
time with her and ask him to bring her around as
part of their "inner circle".
  Needless to say, this has a strong conscious
and subconscious effect on how a man feels about
a woman in his life.
  On the other hand...
  If a guy's friends see that the woman their
friend is dating ISN'T a "cool girl", they'll
often make negative remarks to encourage their
friend to spend less time with her, and subtly
discourage him from committing much of his time
or attention to being with her.
  After paying more and more attention to this
idea that men have of the "cool girl", I also
started to notice something else FASCINATING...
  Men can almost instantly know if a woman is
or is NOT a "cool girl" just by seeing how she
reacts and responds to common social situations.
  It's like they have UN-cool girl radar that
will pick up even the slightest signal.
  But don't worry, I've also found that you
don't have to be born a "cool girl".
  In fact, it's something any woman can easily
learn if she wants to change her interactions
with men for the better.
  So let's talk about how to use the idea of the
"cool girl" to have an easier level of connection
and open communication with men in your dating
life, or in your relationship.
  So what is a "cool girl"?
  And what is it about a woman who's "cool" that
makes men feel more attracted to her than an
"uncool" woman?
  Let me tell you a few quick mini-stories about
women I've known who were UN-cool.
  One friend I used to have LOVED to argue with
people.
  She would start arguments about anything and
always take the opposite perspective on every
topic. She did this with men all the time too.
  I think she felt like she was coming across as
smart, independent and confident when she argued.
  Guess what?
  Men hated it and got a bad taste in their
mouth as soon as she started in.
  Her friends hated it too. She was UN-cool
because her insecurity was so strong that she had
to argue to get attention and feel important.
  Another friend I have has always tried to do
nice things and favors for the man she liked or
was dating at the time.
  As soon as she would meet a man she liked, she
would try to find something she could do for him.
  Of course, she got upset when the man didn't
return her favor or gift with the feelings of
affection she wanted to receive in return... and
she acted upset and "taken advantage of".
  As time went on, she became more and more
convinced that all men were selfish jerks.
  All this, of course, made men sense danger and
run away because they intuitively knew a world of
desperation and emotional frustration was waiting
just under the surface for any guy who spent time
with her.
  As you can probably guess, she was trying to
barter with men and manipulate them into giving
her what she thought she wanted through her
favors and "bribes".
  Guess what?
  None of these made men FEEL anything for her
like she had hoped, even though she thought she
was showing men what a great person and a great
"catch" she was, and encouraging them to feel
love and appreciation for her.
  Some men actually had a hard time finding
respect for her because of her supposed
"generosity".
  They sensed that her "gifts" weren't given out
of the kindness of her heart, but to try and win
their approval and buy their affections.
  I know another woman who loves to tell men when
she first meets them that she's so easygoing when
it comes to relationships that she'd rather have a
"casual" thing.
  She even says things like, "I don't want the
drama of a serious relationship right now. Men
are too much trouble."
  Of course, as she gets a few weeks or months
into a situation with a man, it always seems to
turn out the same...
  She changes her mind in an instant. And without
even talking to the guy about it, or remembering
how things got started, she starts resenting her
situation and the man she's with for it not being
more than what it is.
  The man inevitably sees her behavior and
attitude change and becomes frustrated and
negative.
  And without ever talking to the guy about it,
she turns on him and lets him have an earful of
how unhappy she is with their situation and with
him - blaming him for putting her in the
situation.
  Now, all three of the women I've mentioned
above have different problems... but the way I
see it, they're all strangely related.
  Here are a few more quick stories about women I
know who are "cool".
  One woman I know always has a group of fun and
loving people around her. In fact, I don't think
I've ever hung out with this woman and not had
people wanting to spend time with her and be a
part of the atmosphere she creates.
  People seem to open up and become their best
around her.
  We can't go anywhere without people wanting to
say hi to her and connect with her for at least a
minute or two.
  Of course, she always has several good guys
around too, wanting to talk and hang out with her,
and she teases them and treats them like good
friends who she's comfortable enough to be fun
and playful with.
  She's not a supermodel, she isn't the most
outgoing person in the world, and she's not a
"player" type just looking for attention from a
bunch of guys.
  In fact, she just married recently, to a really
great guy.
  She DOES, on the other hand, make it her
business, even now, to know how and where to go
out to have a good time and surround herself
with great people, day or night.
  Her life is, and will always be, full of
great people and great stories.
  Stories that the man in her life always wants
to be a part of.
  I have another friend that is really amazing.
But she does something that's rather unusual,
especially when she's around men. She's one of
those women who is always completely honest and
"present" with her feelings and intentions.
  Of course, this doesn't mean that she gets
"over-emotional" often, or tells people negative
or disappointing things.
  She knows exactly how to be in touch with her
mind and body in a way that lets her feel and
express herself without "dramatizing", and without
judgment.
  People, men and women, can't help but be drawn
in by her magnetic energy and confident and direct
attitude.
  And they always have an instant level of
respect and admiration for her.
  It's always a breath of fresh air to be talking
and interacting with her.
  Somehow, the men that are around always want to
talk to HER. And all the guys she knows think of
her as one of the coolest women around.
  She recently got engaged, and I can tell that
her fiancée' has been smitten with her from day
one.
  He considers himself the luckiest guy around,
and knows that she's the one special woman for
him.
  Period.
  If you haven't downloaded my eBook to read
specifically about how and why men are
INSTINCTIVELY drawn to "cool girls", then you MUST
check it out.
  You'll not only get the "inside scoop" on what
men see in "cool girls", but you'll also get
specific tips on what makes a "cool girl". There
are simple changes any woman can make in her
communication and in her behavior with men that
can make all the difference with the level of
connection and attraction a man feels for you.
  Go here to check out all the details:
http://www.CatchHimAndKeepHim.com/e/10536/... Â Â So what is it that separates the "cool" girls
from the "uncool" girls?
  What is "cool"?
  What is it that makes a few rare people the
kind of people that EVERYONE wants to be around
and spend their time with?
  And what is it about UN-cool women that makes
men withdraw and resist any level of real
connection and commitment?
  And what is it about this element that I'm
calling "cool" that makes women who have it
attract more men than they can handle, to where
guys will literally fight to be the only one?
THE DEFINITION OF A "COOL GIRL"
  I personally think that being "cool" comes down
to:
1) Being Independent In Your Thoughts
2) Being Comfortable Without "Control"
3) Being "Present"
4) Observing Your Emotions
  Before I get into each of these in detail, I
want to mention something...
  Usually, I tend to stick to concepts and ideas
to help you think about men, dating and
relationships in new ways, or give you advice to
get you past limiting beliefs and patterns, and
give you new understandings about men, etc.
  I've realized recently that there are a few
BASIC, FUNDAMENTAL things that you need to really
"get" about interacting with other people before
you start trying to learn advanced stuff, like how
to communicate with a man about your relationship,
when his uncertainty might throw you for a loop.
If you don't have some of the basic things
handled, all the fancy ideas in the world won't
help you.
  So stick with me here, this is important.
  OK, so let's talk about the four components
that I mentioned above.
BEING INDEPENDENT IN YOUR THOUGHTS
  Independent is the OPPOSITE of "dependent".
  When you act "dependent", you lean on others,
you look to them for approval, you ask what they
think before you make a decision, you tend to want
to stay physically close to them, and your
feelings tend to depend on what others feel and
think of you.
  When you act INDEPENDENT, you lean back, you do
things because YOU decided you wanted to, you
don't ask others what they think - instead you
decide for yourself that you are fine walking awayÂ
from your friends for a while when you're out, and
your feelings are controlled by what YOU think, not
what others think or feel.
  A "dependent" person will go out with a friend,
stick close to them all night, ask what everyone
else is eating before they order, get upset easily
about things that others say, and constantly be
looking for attention and approval in some way.
  An INDEPENDENT person, on the other hand, will
go out with friends and be more likely to... walk
around the place to see who's there - and feel
fine about striking up a conversation with a
friendly new face... They'll be cool and calm no
matter what happens - even if others are getting
upset around them... And, most importantly, they
aren't looking to others for attention and
approval. They're doing their own thing, and
enjoying whatever happens because that's what they
want - to enjoy themselves no matter what.
BEING COMFORTABLE WITHOUT "CONTROL"
  Have you ever stopped and realized that it
seems like you are the only one doing all the
thinking and communicating in your relationship
with a man?
  Maybe it's that way because of the VACUUM that
he leaves by not communicating with you...
  But what if it was ALSO the case that you had
compensated for him by taking "CONTROL" of the
relationship, and constantly talking about YOUR
desires, fears and frustrations - since he's not
sharing his?
  How do you think that changes the way a man
sees you? And your relationship?
  Most people in this world are intensely
ATTACHED to the outcomes of things. They're
constantly worrying about what's going to
happen... and talking about the future in a
fearful, uncertain way.
  This type of person always wants to know what
other people think of them, and they're worrying
about what they should do so other people will
like them and keep giving them what they want from
them.
  Unfortunately, this almost ALWAYS comes across
as INSECURITY on some level.
  A person who isn't so deeply ATTACHED to each
and every immediate outcome, on the other hand,
takes things as they come, and handles them calmly
as part of everyday life.
  They know life includes sharp turns and
unexpected changes, and aren't resistant and
frightened by them.
  If it's a woman, and she's talking to a man,
she will be OK with whatever happens. If he's open
and affectionate with her, great. If he's uptight
and acting distant, no big deal in that moment.
  When you are ATTACHED to the outcome of a
situation so strongly that it makes you want to
control the way another person thinks or feels, it
often makes you act crazy.
  You pause, act nervous, hold back, look for
approval, act insecure, over-analyze, complain...
and any of 100 other fear-riddled ways of being.
  On the other hand, when you're comfortable with
not CONTROLLING the outcome to be exactly what you
want in that moment, and you know that the world
is bigger than what you're focusing on, it makes
you MAGNETIC.
  Especially when it comes to men and dating.
  Comfort in the face of uncertainty is the
ultimate way to show a LACK of insecurity in life.
BEING "PRESENT"
  There's nothing more INTOXICATING for a man
than a woman who knows how to get him out of his
head, and his "rational" thinking, and draw him
into being close and emotionally connected.
  And women who can do this WITHOUT pushing a
man to get there with them, or complaining when
he's not as quick to respond as they'd like, have
an even bigger advantage when it comes to men
wanting to spend their time with them.
  There's one magic quality that will instantly
allow you to do all this - as though you've been
a pro at it all your life...
  It's called being "present".
  The easiest way to explain being present is
to remind you how you get when you're playing
sports or you're driving.
  Things are happening so fast, and you're so
completely immersed in what you're doing, that
a few extraordinary things happen without you
having to "try":
- You tune out everything that doesn't involve
what's at hand.
- The "chatter" of your mind goes completely
silent.
- You instantly accept each new thing that is
introduced into your environment without judgment
and resistance.
  If you think through these three qualities
or experiences, you'll see that you find these
going on in each and every deep, loving and
connected interaction you have.
  These are the ingredients to feeling the way
you'd probably like to feel with a man, and for
him feeling amazing things with you.
  But you've got to let go of what you think
needs to happen to get there.
OBSERVING YOUR EMOTIONS
  I know that this sounds funny, but most of the
people I know who are "UN-cool", and don't
naturally attract others to want to be around
them, are not very good at managing THEIR OWN
emotions.
  And here's where I always get pushback about
the value of emotions...
  For the record, I see emotions as valuable
and important.
  They make life fulfilling, and give us depth
and meaning we would never have without them.
  But what I'm talking about is getting to a
place where you are CONSCIOUS of how your emotions
work... and knowing yourself well enough to
separate the intense emotions inside you from the
events of the outside world and your own behavior.
  That way you have a CHOICE about what to do
with your emotions.
  In a sense, this is one of the greatest
purposes and goals in life - to figure out how
to have the emotional experiences you dream of.
  And then learn to share these with others.
  So... how are YOU doing at this?
  Do you "own" your emotions and guide them?
  Or are they guiding you most of the time?
  Interesting...
  Now... is this all there is to being a "cool
girl"?
  Is this all there is to being the kind of woman
a man is naturally drawn to on a physical AND a
deep emotional level?
  Of course not.
  But it's a great start.
  If you can first get yourself to the place
where you're comfortable and confident with your
creating your own emotional experience, and having
it be the kind of experience a man will want to
share, then you'll find that taking things to the
next level with men will be about 10 times easier.
  I've had this conversation with MANY women I
know who are in loving, lasting relationships with
men - and they all basically say the same thing...
  You have to learn how to be comfortable and get
to a place on your own where you make others (men)
feel comfortable being with you, at any time. And
if you're what men call a "cool girl", this
happens almost instantly and all by itself.
  If you're not what men think of as a "cool
girl", then you're going to have a hard time
making ANYONE feel comfortable with you on a real
level... never mind having a man feel a deep
CONNECTION and LASTING ATTRACTION for you.
  Now, I also realize that a lot of the
materials that I teach in my "Natural & Lasting
Attraction" CD/DVD Program are aimed at this
EXACT topic - being the kind of woman that
understands men and relationships in a way that
will lead THE MAN to ask YOU for a commitment and
bring you both closer together.
  I can't tell you how many women email me after
they get this program and tell me that they wish
they had seen what I teach 10 years earlier,
because it would have saved them so much time
and wasted energy with men.
  It's great to hear that I could help them with
their loves lives, and I wish I could have helped
them have the success and fulfillment they're
having sooner.
  The truth is, it's taken me literally YEARS to
put all the pieces together as a man, and boil
down the real-world truth about how and why a man
feels attracted to a woman so deeply that he'll
want to find a way to keep it going and make it
last.
  That's why I invite you to take advantage of
the time, effort, energy, and money I've invested
to discover, refine, and organize all of the
step-by-step strategies, insights and exercises.
  Save yourself years of wasted time not having
the relationship and the love you know is possible
with a man.
  The puzzle pieces are here for you to look
at and finally put together with how to make a
man FEEL, deep down, that gut-level emotional
attraction that will keep you together.
  Create the love and the emotional experience
you want today, and get out of the patterns of
resistance, withdrawal and UNCERTAINTY about
whether or not a man is going to want to stay.
  I'm so confident that my Natural & Lasting
Attraction program will give you a solid
foundation and help bring a lasting relationship
into your life, here's what I'll do...
  I'll ship the program to your doorstep
right now and let you try it at ZERO cost for a
full 30 days.
  If you're not completely thrilled, and you
don't get immediate results in your love life,
then just send it back to me and you'll pay
nothing.
  No questions asked. No excuses needed.
  It's that simple to bring growth and change
into your love life right now.
Posted By: WILLIAM W. HEMMANS III
Monday, June 5th 2006 at 7:23PM
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