I read this from the book "Have You Felt Like Giving Up Lately", by David Wilkerson. I find it a deep book and am reading it for a 2nd time.
I read this book several years ago.
There is a major section on Male/Female Relationships. I think most of us unless perfect fit or relate somehow in this excerpt.
This is an excerpt from the book Chapter 4 section 'There is a true way to find happiness':
I'm not one who cares much for formulas or how-to-directions. But in my own experience, I have found a simple way to find a true happiness that does not depend on what others do.
It is a happiness that does not come and go, and it is not affected by the moods, words, or actions of people in my life-----even thoe I love the most.
What is that secret? I have discovered that my needs are Spiritual, not physical! Our basic human needs include food, water, shelter, and the air we breathe. Beyond that, our needs are Spiritual. And those needs can't be met by any human being.
All unhappiness is a result of trying to meet our needs through human relationships. When another human being fails to meet our needs, we become frustrated and unhappy. For example, the husband comes home from work tired, short-tempered, and feeling a need for a kind, understanding word from his wife. He is depressed, and he wants his wife to make him feel better. In turn, his wife has her own needs.
She is feeling down, lonely, and she is wanting him to lift her spirits. So they lean on each other. The unspoken mesage rings out, "I'm hurting, honey, heal me. I'm blue, take my blues away. I'm in need, meet that need. Put your arms around me and love all the hurt out of me."
Of course, neither of them can meet the needs in the other, because thoe needs are spiritual, and only God can meet them. You can be in the arms of someone you love all night long and still wake up crying inside. The discovery is soon made that those needs cannot be met by s*x or by tender word. That is why some men pay a prostitute one hundred dollars a night, just to sit up and talk with them. They hope their blues can be talked away. It never works, because the next night they are seeking someone else to share their problems with.
We expect our spouses to do Godlike work. We expect miracles of them. We know only that we have overwhelming needs and that they must be met.
I have had lonely people tell me, "If only God would give me someone to love, I'd be such a better person and a better Christian. I know all my unhappiness is a result of being so alone all the time. I need a friend; only then will I be truly happy."
I say, "Not so!" Another person, male or female, may give you temporary relief from the agony of loneliness; but, unles you are a whole person, with your own source of inner strength, the old feelings of despair and loneliness will once again overwhelm you.
Two years ago, my wife and I counseled a young lady who insisted she was the loneliest girl in the state of Texas. She said, "If I could only find a husband, get married, and settle down, I'd never be lonely again." We helped pray in her prince charming. She did get married to a fine young Christian gentleman. But three months after the wedding, she was back to us in tears, crying, "I'm still lonely. I'm still empty. I know now it wasn't just the man I needed. I haven't settled things in my own life yet." That girl will never be a good wife until she learns to quit leaning on other people to meet her needs.
A young divorcee asked my wife and me to pray that her estranged husband would return. She was nearly hysterical, crying, "I want him back so badly. I know I mesed up our marriage---I was so crazy and immature. But now that bhe's gone, I want him back. I think I've grown up. I've matured. I know I can do it right this time, but he's been dating another woman. I'm so desperate that if God won't bring him back to me soon, I'm going to to go out to the nearest bar and tag on the biggest drunk you ever saw."
I informed her we would not pray for his return, because she was not ready for him. She would mess it up all over again. Why? Because she was still not a whole person. She was ready to throw her morals away if he did not come home to try once again to make her happy. That is why many people don't get such prayers answered. They are not ready to try again. They would make the same mistakes all over again, even if remarried to someone else. They are still leaning on others, always using someone else as a crutch to hold them up. They have not become whole persons, and they are not complete in themselves.
Posted By: WILLIAM W. HEMMANS III
Saturday, November 12th 2005 at 5:23AM
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