1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it
was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
innocently. "You did WHAT?! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it
didn't move."
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes
later....."Da-ad...." " What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of
water?" "No, you had your chance Lights out." Five minutes later:
"Da-aaaad.." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come
in to
spank
me, can you bring a drink of water?"
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into
mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in
and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's
sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was
tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he
asked
with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The
mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long
silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big
sissy."
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she
sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty
dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into
the
pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes and my Mom says it's a b**** to
iron."
6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three
year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into
the
shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her
tummy."
"I know," she replied, "but what's growing in your butt?"
7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
"Two plus five, that son of a b**** is seven. Three plus six, that son
of a b**** is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you
doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And
this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day,
"What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition.
" The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to
say two plus two, that son of a b**** is four?" After the teacher
stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus
two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where
Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".. and so Chicken
Little
went up to the farmer and said, ' The sky is falling, the sky is
falling!
'"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think
that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think
he
said: 'Holy S***! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to
teach for the next 10 minutes.
9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
"I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane
Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
"Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was,
but mother says I'm not."
10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with
the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys,
they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I
can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else
Posted By:
Friday, June 24th 2005 at 10:04PM
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