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"It just looks like we're not hurting!"

Joyce Brayboy · Wednesday, September 17th 2008 at 10:28PM · 761 views
Ms. Independent
Strong, Black...
Keep it movin'

I noticed when I logged on that there is a post about Monique being molested as a child. So many people of color live with childhood secrets, life altering disappointments, and the pressures of playing multple roles to fit in - all in silence. Part of the HBCU experience is embracing our strength and courage as a people. However, I commend Monique because the reality is we are weak, we are hurting and we perish every day trying to live up to a myth that should be torn down from the roots. Silence does not equal strength!

According to Terrie M. Williams, author of Black Pain, founder of a top NYC celebrity public relations firm, and Columbia University graduate the greatest injustice we can do to future generations of HBCU students and to generations of our own children is to continue in silence. These children need to realize that while many of us are looking super human on the outside, we are dying on the inside. It may not be suicide, but overindulgence, destructive lifestyles, or drugs that lead to our self medicating destruction. Openness and vulnerability are not weaknesses but can only add to the great strength of our people when we open the dialogue for healing that comes from the release of pain. When you are moving at the speed of light, sometimes you don’t even feel it.

It’s not until you give yourself the gift of time, the gift of discovery that we consider what we are holding. If the image is not pretty, it's not easy for any one to take all of their clothes off and say, "This is who I am". But it isn't until we take that drastic first step that we begin to let go of the mask. If we chose not to let go, the mask will crack, Williams said. It is only a matter of time.

Williams, who was invited to participate in a Black Enterprise panel for top corporate entrepreneurs said "I can't talk about being on top without telling you how I suffer." In 2005 Williams, highly driven and determined to save the world, opened her own wounds about bouts with depression. She started a Healing starts with us revolution. The exposure in Essence magazine prompted more than 10,000 letters from other hurting Black men and women.

She encourages sisters and brothers to "feel the pain" work through the butterflies that surely come when you are open about the hurt. We lie. We act like we are not disappointed. We put on the mask… We wear the game face… We stunt our growth. Instead we should build a safe haven for open dialogue for ourselves and for those who are tracking our footsteps.

Williams bit of inspiration:

“When you know that the life, strength and spirit of others depends on your life, your strength, and your spirit, you have no right to be afraid – even if you are terribly afraid.”
by God’s Bits of Woods – Ousmane Sembene

Stay Strong!

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Comments (2)

agnes levine Thursday, September 18th 2008 at 8:10AM

If I did not know any better, I would think you were talking about a major mental illness that African-American women have been plagued with since the slice of bread. Depression! Yes, that is a mental illness as common as it is. It can be debilitating and spread like wildfire in our families and communities because depression hurts everyone!

Depression runs deep in our community and when we step out into the world as professionals whether it be the cashier at Wal-mart or Mary J. Blige, we have to put on a happy face. I think that we become brainwashed from all that smiling and, therefore, do not get to the crux of the matter as Ms. Williams advocates in her book.

Spiritually, depression is anger turned inwards. It is the penned-up emotions we experience when we encounter discrimination, racism, abandonment, abuses of all forms, poverty, daily stresses, etc. We keep pushing that rotting emotion deep down inside until it overcomes us in one shape or another. The psychological damage is phenominal when we do not admit our pains and begin to heal from them.

It hurts to heal, however, when you move past the hurt, you find peace, joy, and happiness. You find the strength and courage as a survivor.

Thank you for allowing me to share.

Agnes B. Levine
Author of: "Cooling Well Water: A Collection of Work By An African-American Bipolar Woman" ISBN 0975461206 Winter 2008 Release Pending
www.myspace.com/coolingwellwater (Subscribe Now)

Founder/President: Levine-Oliver Publisher, the Exclusive publishing home of Swaggie Coleman. Visit Swaggie's Voice© at: http://swaggiecoleman.blogspot.com and win prizes!

Joyce Brayboy Thursday, September 18th 2008 at 9:31AM

Right on, Agnes! I'm just as guilty as the next guy. We go through hell and high waters like its second nature. When you sit down and consider the slights, the fights, and the things you overcome on a daily, You're like, well I know I'm like, Whoooo! I need to take time to feel. I'm not a damn robot. "Get over it." ain't always the answer.

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