done with love..

i deleted all my past blogs because i didnt want to remember the bad and sad days i had. thanx to everyone who gave me some advice tho, it helped in some way or another. (this is just my way of letting my feelings out, so its really not directed to ya'll for sympathetic purposes) i was in a really long, really boring relationship with someone who i will always and forever love, but i dont think we were meant to be together; i mean if im constantly crying and hes constantly mad, then something is definetly wrong. we had more bad times than good and that was not norml. i have so many regrets, but there is nothing i can do. i should have let go a long time ago and i should have talked to all the other boys who tried, i wish i didnt love him, and i hope i never feel this way about someone again. my heart bleeds, my eyes water, my mind is scattered, and my thoughts are conmpletely f**ked up. i cant eat, i cant sleep and my world is going slow. before i thought these were imaginary feelings that artist wrote about in their songs, but now i know that it is a sad reality. i am going thru a slow healing process and i cant wait until i have A FRESH START. i want to know how it feels to be happy in a relationship and be in one where i dont feel obligted to smile when im hurt; i want someone who will know when things arent right w/o me even saying anything; "are there any boys around that know how to make a girl feel" like she's wanted, loved, and special? shout out to those who have it and to the very few REAL n*ggas in the world. i wish i had one of ya'll. people keep telling me that im too young to be in love so deep with one person, but no one understands that age has nothing to do with the pain i am experiencing. i gave this n*gga years of my life and my love and he repays me by cheating and calling me b***hes and a ho? how can you hurt someone that you supposedly care and love so much this badly. and the thing that kills me is that i steadily do things for him knowing that hes using me. and he shakes my feelings off like they'r enothing. as many tears and late nights ive had over this n*gga, he doesnt even have the decency to respect me when it comes to other girls; he just flirts in my face like we never were. my friends tell me to let it go, but it is not that easy. i cant and i am stuck i cant even date other people. when other boys talk to me i get aggravated and please dont let them touch me, i feel so nasty and disgusted. when a boy shows his interst, i turn it down when i am screaming "damn that n*gga is fine" inside. i am in a state of depression that is killing my life. i have crazy thoughts and i am not the same person i used to be: i used to be fun and entertaining, now i sit home all day doing nothing. **girls you know something is wrong if when i go shopping, i come out with nothing** i cant believe i let myself die like this over a boy who doesnt even love me enough to call and see if im okay. he calls when he needs something or wants a hit, and me being so gullible and stupid jumps to his needs. i cater to this n*gga like i should to a real man and get nothing but an a** of heartache in return. i bet he aint sitting home right now tellin strangers how hurt he is. "im breaking down, somebody pray for me" why is there a thing called love? sure some people have it, and at this point i cant stand those who do. i am smart, cute, nice, friendly.......why canyt i have love?what did i do? life and love has showed they a**es with me and im through with them.........