Can't do it
I withdrew from my school today. I am soooo miserable. I've been crying like a baby. I miss my mother, I'm having panic attacks. I can't do it. So, less than a week after i got here, on Saturday, my mother will be driving 3 hours to come and get me. I'm gonna just go to one of the state schools in Ct. Much cheaper and much closer. I thought I could do it, but I can't. We get all of our money, and i haven't opened most of my stuff, so I can still take it back. I feel bad, but I think I would feel alot worse, if my mother was paying tuition, but I was too depressed to do the work and stay. So, 4 days and counting until I'm back where I want to be. I can not wait. This transition week crap is irritating. These people are treating us like babies and I just can't deal with it. I'm too fragile. I might do something crazy like try to walk back to CT. So it's best that I depart.
I know. But I would rather go find positives closer to what I know. I know ther will be a time when I have to move away, but this was too much of a step. So, Im going to go home to a school that is far enough way, but not too close. Eventually when I move away, I won't feel like I'm just alone like I feel here. It doesn't matter if it gets better or not. I can honestly say that this isn't where I need to be right now. I thought it was and I was wrong. It's not like I made the decision based on just the fact that they are treating us like babies, I did it b/c I had a little panic episode the other night and couldn't take it. I can't deal with that everyday and that's how I feel here. I feel paniced and alone. I want somebody to come and take my place who belongs here, who can grow and appreciate the school. At this point I'm not ready to do that, so why should I just sit here and keep somebody else from coming here who could help the 'loncoln legacy' as they so proudly proclaim. It's just not for me. So, I'm going home.