*Most of You know much of what I write is about male/female relationships. In my past blogs, I have written most of the things similarly and some the same as this article I chanced across today from a magazine this morning. I incorporate my own life experiences into much whether positive or negative, I just try to use the negatives for positive. We are all flawed, no one is perfect and no one knows it all but God and many times what we know we bump our heads again. Human.
I wanted to post this article feeling it covers all the female and male issues I hear, see and read everyday. I feel this article by T.D. Jakes is a composite of all what I have written about in past Blogs/Articles in reference to Relationships.
Also in answering emails, commenting to blogs, GBook signs etc, for those of You I have, You know where I am coming from.
I hope You enjoy:
By the way Spirituality in many cases is neutral gender so this embodies males and females*:
A POPULAR MINISTER EXPLAINS WHY SISTERS HAVE TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR---NOT AT THEIR MAN---IF THEY WANT HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
BY BISHOP T.D. JAKES
Many women enter into romantic relationships hoping that their partner will somehow make them happy. This is not only unrealistic, but it's also virtually impossible. No matter how gallant a man may be, he is not equipped to make a woman happy. Only the woman herself can do that. In my minsitry I've come to see that good men are not so much hard to find as they are hard to receive---particularly by those women who have had difficult lives and have not been able to work through their pain.
To have happy, healthy relationships, women must be in a place of peace within themselves. Otherwise Prince Charming may indeed show up, but she might not notice because she's engulfed by feelings of wariness and uncertainty. Her spirit is distorted; she's not the woman she thinks she always wanted to be. And what baggage will Prince Charming have to plow through just to convince her that his love is genuine?
Will he find himself in love with a woman who brings the wounds of an old relationship into the new one?
And will she eventually reject her prince as being too nice because she has been conditioned to relate to abusive men?
The bottom line is that what makes any person---whether man or woman--happy does not come from external things.
An unhappy single woman will evolve into an unhappy married one. A bitter woman who grew up in a small house willonly become a bitter woman who now lives in a big house.
What, then, is the solution?
I offer these three simple steps:
One: When You move forward, don't take the trash from Your past into the brightness of Your future. Though this suggestion may sound simple, believe me, following it is not always easy. It helps when You can do an honest self-evaluation and admit that some of Your feelings are signs of hurtful experiences. Leave the past behind, and move on with all the freshness, and even the vulnerability, of trusting another person again.
Two: Decide what You need to make You happy, and treat Yourself what way before anyone else comes along. When You do that, You set a precedent. You raise the bar and establish the atmosphere You want to live in. In short, my Sister, You control the air-conditioning in Your own room.
And make love easy for Your Prince. Don't just tell him what You need---Show him, by demonstrating how much You love Yourself. Men tend to be slow learners. Add to this the fact that many of us grew up playing games that didn't promote interpersonal relationship skills. But even for us, one picture is worth a thousand words, as the old saying goes. More often than not, if You give us a clear picture, we will give You a strong reaction.
Three: This is the most critical step--- the God quotient. Indeed, You can't accomplish the first two steps without a relationship with God. It adds so much to an unhappy soul: Happiness comes from having a spiritual richness and depth. God gives You the courage and resilience to get up again when life knocks You down, and the grace to love Yourself. That way, when others want to love You, You won't reject them out of unfamiliarity. You'll agree with those who love You and ignore those who don't. So the next time You hear the words and they lived happily ever after, know that You can have that fairy tale. Add God to the equation and You will see Your Prince--and Yourself--in the light that God is shining on You both.
*Feel free to let me know what You think*
Posted By: WILLIAM W. HEMMANS III
Thursday, February 16th 2006 at 6:45PM
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