I just wanted to further expound on the 1st blog I posted on this subject.
I honestly have sucked at relationships with females in an interpersonal relationships. I choce to shut myself down and deal with myself 1st and foremost. What was I doing wrong, what were my belief systems based on false paradigms from what I had learned from my own family and others.
I had ideals. Good ones, but when applied to myself I sucked.
I could tell everyone else how to get their relationships right, I could pray for them and with them in the most bleak of possibilities in them getting back together. Well it would happen for them.
I have counseled so many younger and many more older from many different cultures, beliefs and from various parts of the world. I would get called genius and other compliments that I would not claim, but I would say thank you in gladness for them. But I would go home alone or deal with relations in which I was just doing my thing and she/they were doing theirs.
Can you imagine the President of the U.S. in the U.S. with no one else here? Well it would be kind of hard to be a leader, provider etc. by himself.
This was the deal with Adam. Adam walked with God, talked with God, had a whole land by himself. He named all the plants and animals of the world with the super intelligence he was given. Adam with all he had still searched for a mate and thus children.
Well Adam was given that perfect woman, that perfect gift from God meant specifically for him and him only. Eve could not fit with anyone else. Eve had to be Adam's equal. Just as intelligent but had to be instructed, because Adam was meant to be the 1st. God could have programmed Eve, but God for His own reasons left that charge up to Adam. There was no Bible at the time for that man and that woman.
We have benefit of learning off of their mistakes. Eve was equal to Adam thus one of the significance of the rib. What Adam did not have, Eve had, what Eve did not have Adam had. It was up to them to share, grow and learn. All was choice. A break down in any part is a domino affect for another. This in itself could take a whole book to explain.
David was a brilliant man and he sucked at female relations, from his wife to his daughter.
David's daughter was raped by her half brother and what did David do? David showed her no compassion that caused strife amongst his sons, death followed.
David dealt with his daughter according to the laws and traditions of the land, he put her away because news of the rape had traveled thus could not be covered. She was considered defiled for life by men and probably many women.
David could run and was designed to run a whole Kingdom, David as well as Solomon could make great decisions for women and children until it came down to those interpersonal relationships with women.
Another aspect of the Adam story is the fig leaf.
As many of us men do, we hide behind excuses(the fig leaf), we blame the woman. Of course it is not all of our faults but the largest numbers of the s*x that leave are men. We leave the woman with the child or children and create new families, or make babies and we expect the woman to deal with it. Have we ever heard about how Jesse Jacksons wife is dealing with that baby Jesse made? How else could she respond? How did Hillary deal with Bill(Clinton)? What else was she supposed to do? What if Mrs. Jackson had a baby outside the confines of her marriage or Hillary was the one caught in that oval office(I really like Bill Clinton also).
Both men I use as examples out of many. Both are likeable men, but in their interpersonal relations...
Women are designed to detect when we as men have been thinking alone to long. I have had to learn this.
The Bible states it is not good for man to be alone. It does not state this for women, but a woman could apply. But the man is mentioned specifically.
No, when we are alone too long we do as many do. Me?
When she was on my nerves or I was mad because she did not want to, I would leave and say, I'm going to the bar to clear my head.
There I was the big shot.
I would order my Henessey, Gingerale and Lime and a Heinekin for my chaser. If my pockets were not fat, I would substitute budweiser($2 plus tip, I always tipped). My drink would be double strong, i.e. 2 shots instead of the normal one shot. The bartenders knew I would make it up in tips.
I would be sitting there alone and put money in the jukebox and listen to all my good songs. This is before the main crowd comes in because I only planned to be there for a minute.
As chance would have it, a cute girl would come in or a group of them. In time, one would be sitting with me at the bar. She would talk, I would talk we would share.
9 p.m. comes, I look at my watch, well, I'll stay for a few minutes longer, she is cute and thise legs, or those breasts or those hips, thighs, butt etc.
11:30 comes, my inhibitions are down. I dance, she can dance, I'm in a zone, I like it.
12 a.m. well I gotta go, but she places my hand in hers or she touches my leg with hers(yall know about this).
I feel something, a vibe, electricity, my thirst and intrigue increases. But I know this is wrong....
So... I order me another henessey, Gingerale and Lime and another Heinekin, she has baited me by offering to buy me a drink. "I'm chivalry ain't dead man". I insist on buying her another drink, I hope she is losing any inhibitions she may have.
So she whispers in my ear, her lips and warm breath just touched my ear, it is all over now.
I am in another situation where she asks me do I want to go somewhere else.
2:30 a.m. I have had a great time, I don't wanna go back over to the crib I just left.
Now I call the fellas to line up my excuse. I know pet detective will be checking on my whereabouts. In leaving, she rubs on my chest, hands, legs and tells me how much she likes me and that I have done something to her that has never happened to her before. I know this is probably a lie, but it sure feels good to hear her say that and it is my significant other/others fault I was told no. hey the world tells me to be a man.
I end up at her crib, of course this is between us right? I have never encountered a woman that did that and the older ones always seemed to be the 1st. What do I mean? Ever had a female write her name(Darlene) on the side of your car or the nearly 50 yr old lady that stalks you and on Mon a.m. when time to go to work, you wonder why your car is leaning to the drivers side and then you see where both drivers side tires are slashed beyond repair?
What do you tell your boss?
A lie.
Even was held hostage one time. She hid my pager, cell phone, work cell phone and keys.
She told me I could leave if I want to. I'm in St.Pete, I lived in Bradenton.
I had to sit and listen to her talk from 8:30 a.m.(I told her I had to leave for work) till 4p.m.
Then she told me I had to give her some 1st before I left.
I was invited over there the previous night to view her impressive display/collection of Bible Literature, video tapes (like Juanita Bynum) etc.
Who got outplayed? What can I say.
I remember raising my voice and raising up(just being real) after patiently asking her for my stuff for a while.
She responded, "So what are you going to do, hit me, grab me, even act like it?". I'll just call the police and all my family are near this apartment.
I sat down.
If I would have been doing right in the 1st place, I would not have had to deal with that. All this happened to me in a matter of weeks.
I was wondering, God what is going down here, why all this, all at one time now?
I was scurred to deal with females for a while after that, but.......
I use this example to bring up to date what David, Solomon, Abraham etc. all had to deal with. Abraham's wife pushed him for yrs to mate with another female and when she did.......
We deal with one race against another to this present days. Wars are still fought off the heirs of Abraham's 2 sons.
There is a difference between saying and doing, what I know is theory for me until I apply it to that significant other. What is theory for one is fact for another.
No one gets it right everytime in relations. We all err.
I remember yrs ago asking my older cousin/minister back home, how can I love a mother and father that don't care?
Rod responded do you remember creature feature?
Could you love those monsters? The monsters that were killing and eating people? I said no.
We can talk about applying love to everyone.
Can we love Jeffrey Dahmer(the one that raped and killed all those boys), could you love Hitler?
There is a story about Kind Asa that was Blessed because he put his mother figure away, why did God Bless him?
She was so toxic and evil that her personal presence would have blinded, affected and ruined him and the domino effect would apply to the whole kingdom.
Did he hate her? Did he look out for her? In a Kingdom I believe so.
The disciples wiping the dust from under their feet in certain towns, why did they do this? The people refused to receive them after trying.
A lot of people do not hit on this fact in talking about forgiveness until it applies to them.
Forgiveness is not being in the face of a toxic abuser. It is not wishing them any harm and not letting them control your life but God is the avenger and the bible states when wronged, the truth will come and you will know it. Why would God take action against a person that wrongs you? Because God knows some where you want to be avenged as those saints mentioned in Heaven that still cry out to be avenged by those who killedm harmed and abused them. We are not to celebrate(an aspect of forgiveness), but it sure feels good when someone who killed your child is brought to justice(using this aspect as an example).
Many people drive themselves into psychosis trying to get people to love them that don't.
Women trying to love the father that raped them and he still ain't changed.
To me thats stupid.
Even the Israelites after so much evil were released from slavery after while by mercy, love, grace etc.
One of the main things that keeps shame(grows from all pain) going is people telling you how you should feel. They are not putting themselves in your shoes to the best of their capacity.
Have you ever noticed the very same people that tell you how you should feel, respond far worse than you do when disaster soon strikes?
And don't try to tell the same things to that guilty person that they told you.
Chances are you will get your head blown off in some capcity. Oh how selfish.
Oh and the whole world has to revolve around them when they are going through their stuff.
If you have not dealt with this, keep on living, you will. Chances are you have just not noticed this.
The very same people have all the good stuff to say to you in your trials and tribulations, but when they go through theirs, the real demons come out. Usually far more than the ones you and I have.
Another form of not practising what you preach, theory verses real life interpersonal interactions.
Well I am going to strive very hard to work on my flaws.
"Jesus" told His disciples, "How long must I suffer with you?". Jesus was telling them off, tired of them etc. And Jesus was the God that created them. Jesus went into a mountain for 40 days and 40 nights. He was not at Church or the synagogue. Jesus even had His location guarded as not to be disturbed. This is only one aspect of why Jesus was in the mount, but one thing was clear, Jesus was in human form, had human feelings and asked God, "If you will let this cup pass from me?" What did this mean, Daddy, I don't wanna go through this, please lets find us another way. Daddy responded 2 Son(Jesus), YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH AND DEAL WITH THIS IN MY DIVINE WILL.
Well we are not Jesus, Jesus dealt with all our temptations and is not above our infirmities.
This means that we are to deal with what we are supposed to deal with in the proper context of relations.
If you are married Man work it out. Yes there are exceptions to the rule. I believe that God wants no one to get beat till death do us part and the damage it does to the children.... Son becomes and the daughter does the becoming. In most cases. We all are a byproduct of our environments. But we still have choice. God may understand but you still reap when you wrong anyone.
I can go much longer and deeper here.
But a King bears all the responsibility, a Prince does not have that same responsibility. Yes there are ways both the King and Prince need to carry themselves, there are spiritual thus personal reponsibilities.
The Prince can have great knowledge, character, potential etc. But hands on actual experience is at a much higher level.
In closing Kings and Queens yes you have to deal with you in most cases, yes there are people that can bring the very best of you out, but 99.9% of the time, if you do not have it for yourself, no one else has enough i.e. love, money, property, romance etc. All temporary until you have it for yourself. You can acquire vast knowledge but wisdom is how you use it which is understanding. Tremendous difference.
Who was wiser than Solomon who coincidentally had the most women something like 700 wives and 300 concubine and that is what is mentioned in the Bible, probably could figure in those side hits.
Even Solomon states more misery with more knowledge, why? You simply no more and see.
Then you have to apply all that. For yourself.
That is always the hardest thing.
Ever heard or wonder why the same ministers, psychologists, book writers, professionals etc., many times have had many failed marriages?
Pastor Hagee, left his wife for a younger woman, Dr. Phil? Mulitiple failed relationships with women out there talking about how bad he was in which he admits, but he has his own t.v. show, ironic.
If you tell one of them they are wrong, chances are they will throw a whole bunch of book stuff at you in defense.
I have been guilty of that.
Look at your popular talk shows, Ellen? Oprah? Tony Danza? Johnnie Carson? They make the most tabloid gossip because of their relations.
I like Oprah a lot by the way.
All possess great hearts, gifts of love, charity, benevolence etc. But interpersonal relations...
Some get it more right than wrong. Many do not. I hope to make the other side.
Adam, David, Abraham, Moses, Solomon etc. chose not to deal with. They ignored and kept going but people paid a price, children paid a price, women paid a price, their Kingdoms suffered, people died, mourned, cried, suffered, many lives were never the same, altered for life.
And they still had God. In just writing this, now I have something new to ponder.
I guess one answer is we have the benefit that we can read about them, they had the law instead of spiritual(love in the form of Jesus), Jesus created a New Covenant thus New Testament, they did not have the Holy Spirit in them that was given by Jesus in the New Testament a whole slew of things can be discovered from this.
I do see where those men I have named are all in the Old Testament.
Well enough here for now, just further trying to elaborate.
One saying I heard recently was everyone is a hypocrite sometime if we all fall short of Glory and we err on a daily basis somehow.
But what made Paul and all the other greats were that they chose to deal with themselves, all the uglines to use it for good to whom will use it. No one knows everything and what works one way for you, may not work another way for another.
God builds bridges specifically for the person.
As I have stated the SanFrancisco bridge may work for me over all that water and distance, but it would be too large for her over that dry creek she has. As a matter of fact my bridge would fall if applied for you.
But the BUILDER............................................
"God" Bless to all.
Posted By: WILLIAM W. HEMMANS III
Tuesday, October 4th 2005 at 5:06PM
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