Love sick

Background...I met my x back in the ninth grade and it was luv @ first site...sike! But it was fun. Now that i think about we were so yung and in lust it was terrible! Well time flies and we've been 2gether 3 yrs and time spent with him became some of the best times of my life...with 3 or 4 breakups in b/w...but hey we always gravitated back 2 each other. Well this past yr... we broke up..but this time it was d'frent cuz he cut me loose. Usually we break up 4 bout 2wks to a month & we're back 2gether...but now its been 6 months! about a month 0r 2 ago he expressed that he wanted 2 get back together...but then he'd be like naw...i think we should take it slow and just chill. But i've come to believe his whole reason of "chillin" is bcuz he wants to explore other options. I was his first girlfriend...kiss..and all. not to metion he's havin a mike jones affect ( u know back then...now im hot..)..cuz all of a sudden he's a star football player in the state of Texas aka football country. My dillema is i love him so much and honestly this is the man i want to marry...but i have pride the size of N.America...and i can't even bring myself to call him and see how he's doin! It's so frustrating...it's to the point that i wish we were never 2gether so i wouldn't have caught feelings for him. Too late for that now. so i'm left with 3 yrs of regret!...But i still want us 2 be together...the luv i have for him is holding me back from other relationships...and it shouldn't be this way...should i hold on to somethin that may not be what i need....or move on the the next? I really need help.