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Common Themes When Dealing Among Black Folks-WHY COME? (NOT WILLIE LYNCH TODAY!) (4822 hits)

I have noticed some common themes when dealing among black folks. Puhlease don't quote me from Willie Lynch's Letter. TODAY...what can we DO differently to break the chains that bind?

AN EXCERPT FROM -"Cotton Pickin' Paycheck-A 21st Century Journal of Escape from Slavery" by Joan E. Gosier

1) We cannot stand to pay a compliment to another black person who we feel is at or slightly below or above our "status". We don't seem to mind praising someone we feel sorry for or who is perceived our superior (Obama/Oprah/etc.) What blocks us from supporting our equals with SINCERE kudos?

2) We can't focus on moving forth on a strategy but we can spend weeks debating a circular problem. What came first the chicken or the egg debates consume our time but when pressed to follow through with a step by step process we lose interest very quickly. What blocks us from implementing well known processes?

3) We don't like to proactively start anything but are quick to point holes into why something can't get started TODAY. We see potential problems but do not encourage one another to STOP and take action before the crisis actually hits. What keeps us hoping that things will magically get better?

4) We don't like to share our faults or insecurities about parenting. We know that NO parent is perfect yet we refuse to open up dialogue on how what we are doing is NOT WORKING. We point to problems AFTER they have come home to roost but rarely strive to prevent the problems that have plagued our community for generations...IGNORANCE. ILLITERACY. APATHY. UNEMPLOYMENT. CRIME. DRUG ABUSE. They seem to magically appear with noone ever to accept responsibility and accountability for CHOOSING that destructive path in life. There are no shortcuts. When will we teach one another that we REAP what we SOW?

5) We don't like to discuss or examine the dysfunction in our families. We all know that problems in a family stem with the problem with a relationship and communicating needs. YET. Very few people seem to embrace TOOLS to increase conflict resolution skills and professional counseling opportunities to FIX DEEP ROOTED PROBLEMS. Many of us who have worked in corporate America use the FORM-STORM-NORM-PERFORM model EVERY SINGLE DAY...yet it is almost rarely heard of in many black families or churches. Why can't we adapt tools that have been proven to work for successful and long lasting corporations within our own families?

Well I can't answer the questions from behind, next to or around...going forward they will NOT be unanswered questions in my lineage. My children and THEIR children will know all that I know before they head out of the door called LIFE. FREEDOM THROUGH SMART CHOICES is the most important GIFT that I could choose to give my legacy.

Sisterly love,

Joan
http://www.CottonPickinPaycheck.com

Posted By: Joan E. Gosier HBCUkidz.com
Tuesday, December 16th 2008 at 1:14PM
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Mozell, thank U for your thoughts and REACTION. Kudos for taking a stand.

I will let my husband read them since U addressed it to "him".

However, I am curious to know if there are any answers to any of the above questions or are U saying that in your living day to day in "your different place in the universe"...U HAVE NEVER WITNESSED these problems?

U ask is there anyone in my life "who gets it done"?

Yes, I personally know lots and lots of folks "getting it done", but in my recent travels OUTSIDE OF MY CIRCLE OF FRIENDS I am eye-witnessing a different universe of experience.

For example, as I campaigned AGGRESSIVELY for the Obama victory over the past few years in different communities online and face 2 face, I have witnessed the above behaviors and it NEEDS CALLING OUT SO THAT IT CAN BE FIXED. DENIAL is the #1 cause for NO CHANGE. No change = No Improvement. It is not that hard to create a new beginning. I see it in my children and their friends. Each one can teach one...when they care enough to reach one.

Sisterly love,

Joan E. Gosier, Author of Cotton Pickin' Paycheck-A 21st Century Journal of Escape from Slavery
Wednesday, December 17th 2008 at 10:31AM
Joan E. Gosier HBCUkidz.com

Not a nice response above. As usual a lack of critical thinking skills appplied, your observations are absolutely correct, and you are an African-American and said it, and got thumped on the head..imagine what happens when I say it..but it's true. You have a lot of class and you were very gracious in your response. The conventional wisdom I have heard shrouded as follows; oh,it's no harm, that's just the way it is, that's just the way our people are, what do you expect after they have kept us out of the infrastructure? There is as permanent underclass which is very large as I wrote to Dr.Joyce,(founder of SingleBlackwomen.connect) once, we are perplexed as to how we can bring about change to this relentless strata of Black society.

Your number 1. assessment is so true..they either have to be pitied or they have to be superstars. Tell us more about that corporate model you mentioned.
Friday, December 19th 2008 at 12:15PM
Marta Fernandez

Marta I am going to share that FORM/STORM/NORM/PERFORM MODEL in a new post.
For the record, I want it to be publicly known that Mozelle and I had a WONDERFUL LIVE PHONE CONVERSATION after this posting and we came to realize that we share more in common than the posts above would suggest-HA! HA! HA!

I didn't want to DELETE it because I know there are others as U suggested who harbor those those too upon initial "in your face" with the data/information. But I hope Mozelle agrees with me that WE ARE ALL ON THIS SITE TRYING TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE AND WE ADMIT THAT "NONE OF US IS AS SMART AS ALL OF US" :)

Sometimes emotions kick in FAST, which is TRULY why I wrote the post in the FIRST PLACE-LOL! Just FED UP WITH SOME DRAMA I am witnessing in my extended family circle at the moment. I said in my writing what I truly want to call one of "my relatives by marriage" up and say DIRECTLY TO HER LIVE ON THE PHONE-LOL! BUT I thought it easier to vent publicly so I can have a non-emotional discussion with her after life calms down.

So YES I AGREE...IT IS HARD TO SHARE WHAT WE SEE IN TRUTH BUT I AM NOT AFRAID TO SPEAK WHAT I SEE AND FEEL...just cautious EXACTLY WHEN I DO IT-LOL

Thanks for your comments and support as USUAL!

WE CAN DO THIS!
Friday, December 19th 2008 at 2:40PM
Joan E. Gosier HBCUkidz.com

Katherine thank U! I am trying to finish it up but every day it seems like a NEW LIFE LESSON smacks me right in the eye and I have no choice but to stop and capture it!
Friday, December 19th 2008 at 2:41PM
Joan E. Gosier HBCUkidz.com

I am delighted that you had a conversation with the brother--he needs all the support he can get--
Friday, December 19th 2008 at 2:44PM
Marta Fernandez

Thanks Leah! We all see and hear things very differently which is why blogging is such a useful tool. As a licensed realtor for many years, I have yet to see a black family be EFFECTIVELY CREATIVE in keeping a family member's property from being sold out of the family...YET I have used some very non-traditional corporate tools to save the day! So our perspectives are typically shadowed by our living experiences huh?
Friday, December 19th 2008 at 7:22PM
Joan E. Gosier HBCUkidz.com

think on #3. Joan is referring to community orgs.for instance you have a community that's deteriorating and buildings are holed up, the solution is to form a concerned resident's group, and coordinate with other local agencies, write to the Mayor with a plan of action, and engage the City, attend City Council meetings etc.
can you say honestly that you are involved on a larger scale? I don't believe that Joan is referencing those types of girlfriend and family issues--but speaking to us as a collective..in any event people from OHIO are wonderful..and different parts of the country have a different "flow." I have yet to meet anyone from Ohio that I don't feel an instant warmth from. There is enough in the universe that we should not be suffering from lack. Specifically any member of the the Nation of Islam, and its wonderful, clear and precise credo for a decent ,clean and healthy life. Peace.

Friday, December 19th 2008 at 7:26PM
Marta Fernandez

Marta I agree. I have some very supportive and KEWL friends out of OHIO. I just never even stopped to make the distinction before tonight! WOW! Who says U don't see things differently depending on the amount of light shining! HA! HA!
Friday, December 19th 2008 at 7:29PM
Joan E. Gosier HBCUkidz.com

Leah don't let money be your barrier! U might be surprised how powerful that cell phone video, an email note to a few folks and your own PASSION can MAKE THINGS HAPPEN! WE CAN DO THIS!
Friday, December 19th 2008 at 7:31PM
Joan E. Gosier HBCUkidz.com

Sister Leah thank U for sharing. Growing up my dad worked around a lot of wealthy white families as a butler/chauffeur/etc. He instilled from as early as I can remember-YOUR LAND AND YOUR HOME IS YOUR HERITAGE AND IT MUST BE PASSED DOWN TO THE NEXT GENERATION. So my biased upbringing is why I believe that we can cherry pick things that WORK in other cultures and STRENGTHEN the things that WORK in our own. Between doing that I just don't feel there is time to continue doing the same old things that ARE NOT MAKING US HAPPY AND AT PEACE. WE CAN DO THIS!

Friday, December 19th 2008 at 7:39PM
Joan E. Gosier HBCUkidz.com

A ton of ideas and no money? that sounds mighty rich to me..get busy you can do it..yes you CAN, didn't you hear your President? a few of you need a plan of action..some research--after all you want to be involved, you don't want THEM to take it over, do you?
Friday, December 19th 2008 at 9:10PM
Marta Fernandez